- maintain a healthy diet - make a conscious choice to exercise daily - study and pass nursing boards - worry less about trivialities and focus on things within my power - learn to love myself more, have a little faith. - read as much as i can - take risks and be less afraid of being hurt or failing, just keep going. - make a conscious effort to spend time on my artsy fartsy hobbies (i.e. taking pictures/writing/painting) - go somewhere new, travel alone. - count my blessings and always remain humble - stay true to myself and don’t try to fit someone else’s idea of perfect. - don’t give up
“Oh, you walked all that way? then you must go back. But this time I shall not make a fresh start, I swear, I shall rebuild nothing, I shall remain behind like a stone there in the remote distance, at the beginning of the road. There is something that goes round with me, it goes round and round, it makes me dizzy, it makes me dizzy, and calmly deposits me in the same place.”
— Clarice Lispector (tr. Giovanni Pontiero), Near to the Wild Heart (via leopoldgursky)
I GUESS YOU ARE KIND OF CURIOUS as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind. If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago: Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer. That is my name. Perhaps it was raining very hard. That is my name. Or somebody wanted you to do something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong—”Sorry for the mistake,”—and you had to do something else. That is my name. Perhaps it was a game that you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window. That is my name. Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around. That is my name. Perhaps you stared into a river. There was somebody near you who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened. That is my name. Or you heard someone calling from a great distance. Their voice was almost an echo. That is my name. Perhaps you were lying in bed, almost ready to go to sleep and you laughed at something, a joke unto yourself, a good way to end the day. That is my name. Or you were eating something good and for a second forgot what you were eating, but still went on, knowing it was good. That is my name. Perhaps it was around midnight and the fire tolled like a bell inside the stove. That is my name. Or you felt bad when she said that thing to you. She could have told it to someone else: Somebody who was more familiar with her problems. That is my name.
it’s 6:23 pm on christmas eve, i’m about to go to a family party, but my mind is elsewhere. i’ve been thinking about this whole year and all the moments/emotions i’ve gone through and all the people i’ve tried to love and all the people i’ve hurt one way or another and a select few who i consider family that endlessly inspires me. i’m welling up with weird emotions of joy, longing, gratitude, and a bit of melancholy. it’s not sadness, but it’s that feeling after hugging someone you love and seeing them walk away from you and knowing you won’t see them again, but also knowing they’ll be in a better place. i don’t know if that makes any sense at all, but my point is - time does one of the two things: either it draws you closer to certain people or it forces you to grow apart from people and it’s quite a bummer when you miss people so easily and you’re overly aware and sensitive to how they used to fill a certain space in your life, even if it was only for a very short period of time. anyways, i’m finishing up a mix cd seeing as i will go for a nice drive around the city after the family party, i just want to organize my thoughts and dust my mind off. i feel the need to put everything this year in its proper perspective, even if it’s in a form of driving around aimlessly on the wee hours of christmas eve while listening to some good music.