it’s 6:23 pm on christmas eve, i’m about to go to a family party, but my mind is elsewhere. i’ve been thinking about this whole year and all the moments/emotions i’ve gone through and all the people i’ve tried to love and all the people i’ve hurt one way or another and a select few who i consider family that endlessly inspires me. i’m welling up with weird emotions of joy, longing, gratitude, and a bit of melancholy. it’s not sadness, but it’s that feeling after hugging someone you love and seeing them walk away from you and knowing you won’t see them again, but also knowing they’ll be in a better place. i don’t know if that makes any sense at all, but my point is - time does one of the two things: either it draws you closer to certain people or it forces you to grow apart from people and it’s quite a bummer when you miss people so easily and you’re overly aware and sensitive to how they used to fill a certain space in your life, even if it was only for a very short period of time. anyways, i’m finishing up a mix cd seeing as i will go for a nice drive around the city after the family party, i just want to organize my thoughts and dust my mind off. i feel the need to put everything this year in its proper perspective, even if it’s in a form of driving around aimlessly on the wee hours of christmas eve while listening to some good music.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
“You don’t even need to be in love. Who told you you do? What you need is to be free. What you need is to love. That’s it; that’s your nature. But what you’re really telling me is that you want to be desired. You want to be applauded, to be attractive, to have all the little monkeys running after you. You’re wasting your life. WAKE UP! You don’t need this. You can be blissfully happy without it.”