“Most of the time our right now is boring and forgettable. Sit at your desk. Walk to the kitchen. Take a walk. Take a nap. Take your time because it is so uninteresting that nobody else wants to take it. We remember so few details about how we lived our days because most of them are like air with no fragrance. We breathe them in, we breathe them out without thinking. What did you eat for dinner two days ago? When was the last time you laughed out loud? Or ate something that made you close your eyes and sigh with pleasure? Naturally we remember the perfume times because there are so few of them.
Given the chance to re live an occurrence in our past where everything was so perfect that we never wanted it to end, who would say no? And what if re living it could somehow go on and on? Would we choose to remain inside that past bliss as long as possible, or opt to return to our daily ho hum now where typically the only things to look forward to are the weekend, a favorite TV show or going to bed at night? Like those exceptional dreams where we meet the person we have longed for all our lives. They are perfect. Everything is perfect and to our delight, the dream keeps getting better as it continues. But then we wake up. And immediately think No no not yet, a few minutes more, please! Let me finish the meal, the kiss, that walk on the beach at sunset with them. We fight desperately to go back to sleep to try and recapture the moment, the person, and perhaps most importantly the exquisite feeling of being swept up in life rather than swept aside.
Almost everyone has come close to actually living dreams like that once or twice in their lives. Maybe it was that one perfect date when you were 20, or one magic afternoon in Istanbul, an hour you wouldn’t trade for anything. How tempting if it were somehow possible to go back to those experiences and live them forever.
“'What’s the world’s greatest lie?' The boy asked, completely surprised.
‘It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That is the world’s greatest lie.’”
“So when people I like do something terrible,” I said, “I just flense them and forgive them.”
”Flense?” he said. “What’s flense?”
“It’s what whalers used to do to whale carcasses when they got them on board,” I said. “They would strip off the skin and blubber and meat right down to the skeleton. I do that in my head to people—get rid of all the meat so I can see nothing but their souls. Then I forgive them.”
“Everything appears to me to be an artificial construction of the mind. Every mark by someone else, every chance look throws everything in me over on the other side, even what has been forgotten, even what is entirely insignificant. I am more uncertain than I ever was; I feel only the power of life. And I am senselessly empty.”
Been so busy trying to play catch up with responsibilities and adulthood that I’ve forgotten to take some time for myself and just be content with the now. I miss exploring on my own and just being a spec of dust among crowds. I just want to quietly explore and exist for a little. It’s been so long that making plans alone makes me anxious.
Things to get done by Saturday:
- make a sweet mix cd for the drive
- go to museums in los angeles
- bring camera stuff
- bring a book and read somewhere with a pleasant scenery
"It’s fine," said October. His beard was all colors, a grove of trees in autumn, deep brown and fire-orange and wine-red, an untrimmed tangle across the lower half of his face. His cheeks were apple-red. He looked like a friend; like someone you had known all your life. "September can go first. Let’s just get it rolling." -Neil Gaiman “October in the Chair”
I love my wonderful fellow Montanan Brad Wagner and the fact that his beautiful photography just got reblogged by a really famous writer.
“Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.”