(Source: , via shoepastryheart)
(Source: , via shoepastryheart)
would like to have a fake girlfriend for valentines day only, strictly for company. no hanky panky, just maybe a hug or two will do and someone to laugh with. i just want to have dinner, go to the natural history museum, have a nice honest and meaningful conversation, perhaps drive around and listen to some good music. holler at me.
I am forming the most wonderful relationships here in New York and I’m realizing how I am no longer dependent on the people back home who didn’t actually give a damn about my little life. I’ve never really expressed this publicly, but frankly I think I try awfully hard to be the best person I can be. For the past several years I’ve made such an effort to be there for all my friends no matter what the cost to myself. I cared about each and every person I was close with throughout high school tremendously. I still do care. Friends who never supported me, who never returned my favors: I still wish only the best for you. But there’s relief in knowing that I can happily give up the ghost.
This past month has been one of the most transformative of my life. I have realized that I’m capable of doing remarkable things. I have met remarkable people. I wake up every morning knowing that I have the capacity to make changes in my life on my own time and knowing that I have control over my own mentality. Thank you, friends — even those of you who didn’t stick around, but especially those who did. For the first time, I am coming to terms with the value of my own life.
I just wanted to share that with all of you.
amen to the second paragraph.
if you’ve got 6 minutes to spare, i promise it’s worth your while.
— Dave Eggers. (via rocksfalling)
tired of this life - dawn landes
Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breath in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.
— Andrea Gibson (via somethington)
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Not in a literal sense. Not the actual reflection staring back at you – but the person inside of that physical body. Who you see and what feel about yourself is more important than what anyone else thinks. If we don’t value ourselves, we sure as heck can’t expect others to. It’s great when people do see our shiny, diamond in the roughness, but if your self-esteem is shot and your confidence is non-existent, you’re covering your beauty instead of putting it on full display, and that often leads to taking whatever you can get.
Don’t settle. You know you shouldn’t accept a significant other who doesn’t make an effort or regularly treats you like crap. You know when the bad outweighs the good, the arguing is overwhelming and you’re headed nowhere fast. We see these things but for a number of reasons, we’ll turn and look the other way, ignoring them entirely. We refuse to acknowledge and address problems, allowing them to pile up until eventually; a hefty amount of emotional damage is unavoidable.
If you haven’t dated someone who treated you bad, or simply didn’t make an effort, you probably know someone who has. Seeing a friend be mistreated or constantly unhappy in their relationship is much different from your heart actually having a direct link to the carnage. When you’re observing, it’s a cinch to spot a dead end or cancerous relationship. It’s so easy to say, “You should breakup with him/her and move on.” But to follow that advice – to be emotionally invested in something and snip that cord is truly a tough task.
Parting ways, even with a lousy partner is difficult for a number of reasons. Maybe you would rather have someone, anyone, than be alone. Maybe you don’t want to risk them getting over you quickly and finding someone else. Or maybe, just maybe you actually believe they’re the person you deserve. Them and their lackluster effort, their belittling insults, their disloyal habits – that’s what you are supposed to endure. Over time, you’ve lost confidence in yourself and patience for a decent person to come around and want you, so now your standards are lowered to the point that you’re remaining in a toxic relationship.
When something is detrimental and unhealthy, it’s destined for failure – whether you end it on your own terms, or wait for a colossal incident to leave you with no choice, the relationship’s apocalypse is inevitable. So if you’re going to end up being single regardless, why not save yourself weeks, months, or years, of stress, tears, frustration, anger and embarrassment? Refuse to accept anything less than happiness and effort, knowing that that’s exactly what you deserve.
If it makes it any easier for you, think of it as having patience for your soulmate, who you may or may not have already met. It’s crazy when you really consider that your future boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is somewhere in this world, living their life just like you are. Right this second they may be holding the hand of their current significant other, eating a lonely meal for one, or it might be your friend who you just went out with the other night, and have no idea what they’ll end up meaning to you.
If you’ve ever been done wrong and your confidence hit rock bottom, you’ve got to handle things differently in the future. You’ve got to wait. Wait for that person who is well worth the risk of feeling the awful, brokenhearted, miserableness that you once experienced, but has a kind enough heart that you feel certain they would never do that to you. And your judgment may be wrong, but again, that’s why you make certain in advance that they’re worth every potential sleepless night, rainy day and tear cried.
Patience, folks – it’s a virtue and stuff. If you’re single, wait. If you’re involved with someone who makes you feel like garbage, wait. And if you’re lucky enough to be taken by a really good guy/girl, don’t think the grass is any greener on the single side, because it really isn’t always the case. Maybe from a distance it looks good, but when you get closer you’ll realize that your lawn is perfectly beautiful when watered, plus you can fart and wear no makeup in front of it.
without a doubt - isbells
12:08 am - ramblings
you can’t keep things just cause they’re beautiful. you have to keep running, you can’t keep trying to make homes out of people. you’ll die before that happens, and that’s the brutal truth that life withholds from us. it really only becomes apparent right after we’ve lived through it, it’s that sudden onset of shock that rattles us to the core. you fall off the tracks that have always been good to you because maybe you thought the risk was worth the reward, that knowing and chasing after it would be so worth it. so worth it that you didn’t even consider the other side of that coin, of how painful it would be to let yourself be vulnerable at a crucial time in your life when you’re just slowly learning to love yourself. so you go ahead and tell yourself, “you know what!? fuck it! i’m gonna take a risk on this person and open myself up.” so you slowly let yourself up, trying to let the cold air out through your lungs - you exhale, and in return you try and breathe her in. you’re trying to wrap your fragile heart around hers and with this you’re slowly loosening the ropes that have always guarded your core being. you’re letting yourself be vulnerable. you’re being brave by letting yourself be weak. how ironic isn’t it? the twists and turns life puts us through that makes us able to feel so much. you just want to let yourself be! you just want to build a home around this person, you just wanted consistency, you wanted to be loved for you and for only you! you just wanted someone to give you a chance to show them that you’re the kind of person who should be loved. so by those means you took a risk, and you failed. this is the kind of mistake we all must live by. these are the kinds of scars we carry and must learn to live with. losing someone is part of the our life long battle with love. i’m not saying don’t try to make homes out of people, all i’m saying is that you can’t, but the beauty lies in the very idea that you have the free will to try and try and try and try and try again. that is your birth right to try and seek out the love you long for and i truly hope you find it. i hope you find that person for you. i hope you find your home. keep running and keep building.