1:09 am - ramblings
turning 24 years old on sunday and i can’t help but think of all the things that has slipped by me and how everyday i miss people i’ve lost and miss people i’ve never even met. i wonder if my mom’s proud of me. i wonder if i’ll find a girl who would let me hold her hand. i wonder if i’m growing or am i just running around in circles. i wonder why it’s so damn difficult to be honest with someone and tell them “hey i would like to hangout with you and perhaps be friends.” why is it so hard to meet humble and honest people. i just want to find the strength to be vulnerable again to somebody, but sadly i find myself writing more and more because being closed in and quiet about it is easier, blindly just hoping in time that it would go away on its own. i’m not trying to be overly mellow dramatic, i’m not trying to say that i sulk most of the days. i have many happy moments with friends and family, i have everything there is to be thankful for, but when i’m alone at night i can’t help but let myself out in the most honest way possible, with no layers to peel out of me, my thoughts go in a totally different place. i just want to be enough for somebody, that’s all. i’m trying to be patient, i’m trying to do good by me and hope that keeping myself busy will eventually lead me to some kind of serendipitous love or something like that. i’m not asking for it to fall onto my lap out of the blue, i don’t mind working towards something. i just want to hold someone’s hand. so it goes.